Well, hello there.

(I started writing this a few days ago...finished it up tonight)

It's 12:45 in the morning, and I just had the urge to start writing. I'm unsure if I will ever publish these blogs, but I just miss using writing as an outlet, so here I go.

I am at a place in my life I never thought I would be. So many things can happen in what seems like such a short amount of time. It is not my plan to share specific details on this blog, but I will be honest and blunt at times I'm sure. This won't surprise those that know me well. Most of the time, though, I hope to just document our days now. Yes, some things are different. But many things are the same. Three of these being my beautiful, hilarious, joyful daughters. And in a way, I guess this is for them. I like to journal. I have other ways that I write to my girls other than this, but for the funny things I don't want to forget, or just the day to day musings of our life - I feel this will be good. I know that blogging is kind of on the way out with Facebook and all, but that's okay.

So, where to begin (again)? The girls and I are living in Lubbock, under the same roof I grew up in. I am in my brothers old room. It's kind of weird looking in my closet and seeing the Lego ship he built many years ago, and his high school letter jacket hanging in the closet. But, it's a room where I feel safe. And loved. And happy. The girls are in my old room. I tuck them in at night and when I turn off the light we all look at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling that I stuck up there when I was in middle school. Again - weird, yet comforting. Of course I would love to be in my own home with all three girls in their very own rooms - but that's just not where we are right now. And I am okay with that. Most days, I am okay with that.

I am BEYOND excited to be starting Nursing school in the Fall. August 1st another huge change in our life will begin. I know it will be a hard change for me and the girls, as it will be incredibly time consuming. But, I do feel called to do it. I can't say that I have felt "called" to do much in my life. I am humbled and blessed by the opportunity to be doing this at the age of 31. I just hope I'm ready! Right now I am working part-time as a CNA (certified nurse assistant) at a long term care facility. I absolutely LOVE it. I was a little anxious at first to be working with "the older folks"..but it has truly been a joy. These sweet ones bless my life every time I am there. I really feel that God put this job in my life at the EXACT time that I needed it. I hope to blog about some of the funny (and heart wrenching) things that have happened there.

The girls are absolutely what keep me going every day. Some days I definitely "go" a lot slower than others, but they are my heart. It's hard for me to even find the words to say about each of them. So many emotions are tied to them - love, worry, pride, joy, guilt, fear, happiness.....

Kaitlyn has one week left of 2nd grade. She will be eight in June. How is that possible? She is so smart, VERY independent, opinionated, funny, dramatic, athletic (not girly at all)...she is very busy. The girl is never still. And she has the worst smelling feet of anyone on planet earth - hands down. But her smile lights up the room, and when she laughs really hard, her eyes completely shut and you just can't help but laugh right along with her. She's a brave little girl. She, like all of us, are in a hard time right now - just trying to make sense of everything and figure things out. Her emotions are all over the place. She doesn't really show it, but I can tell sometimes when she is deep in thought, just in her own place figuring things out. It's hard for me to leave her in that place - I'm constantly wanting to talk and ask her what she is thinking about. But I try to remember that it's okay for her to be quite and still, and not have me all up in her business. She is a people pleaser for sure. I'm still trying to figure out what kind of mom I need to be for her. For all of my girls. I mean, don't all mom's feel like that toward their children? I've never prayed for anything harder. Most of her days though, are spent outside with her friends Emily Kate or Tanner. She climbs trees, plays with the dog, plays in the treehouse her Pappy built, sits in the apple tree, or sits on top of the shed to watch people walk around the park. She's an active, busy girl that I just love with my whole heart.

Cora is just precious, precious, precious. I've heard lots of things about how middle children usually are - I guess I need to read one of those books on your children's birth order. She's definitely the most reserved of the 3....the most shy around unfamiliar people or places. She's the one that will stay right with me wherever we go, do something the first time I ask her to do it, doesn't throw many fits, rarely gets in trouble. Her big blue eyes and precious smile (cheeks) pretty much get her what she wants. She is still very much a girly girl. Loves all things dressy, fragrant, shiny, sparkly, pink....you get the idea. She recently learned to whistle and does it all the time now. Sometimes I don't even think she knows she is doing it. Precious. She loves to observe, ride her bike, do crafty things, read books, follow me around, follow me around, and follow me around. I love her with my whole heart too.

Claire is our little comedian. She makes me laugh out loud every.single.day. Many times per day. Her facial expressions and her squeaky little voice and laugh just get me every time. I could seriously hold her and kiss her little cheeks all day long and not get tired of it. She and Cora are such close friends. Yes, they argue some, but what really close friends don't every once and awhile? They play so good together, and it is so fun to watch them use their imaginations when they play. Claire loves to dance and put on "shows." She looooooves the TV. Her favorite thing is to "rest and watch a show in your (my) bed." She gets to do this right when she wakes up for awhile and before she goes to sleep. She loves people. She is like Kaitlyn in that way. She'll walk up to anyone and start up a conversation, or wave to the Xtreme carwash guys through the window. Bless. She loves cards that sing or talk when you open them. She writes, colors, and eats with both her right and left hand. She bites her fingernails. And her toenails sometimes. We're working on it. And, yes. I love her with my whole heart.

Well....there is a very long (yet strangely brief) update on our life. I think I will go ahead and post it. I just spent HOURS reading through my previous blog that I had kept up with since 2005. It really made me want to start doing it again.